Birthdays in India

Isn't your birthday supposed to be the best day of your year?

NO!!!

It represents the day when you become a pinata for other people's BDSM desires.
The only difference is
1) The pinata is your tender gluteal muscles
2) The hitters aren't blindfolded.
3)There are at least 6-7 people to hit you, not just one.


This will be the only place where you'd wish you were t h i c cTM    , it makes the pain more bearable. As you all know, this is the holy ceremony of all birthdays in India aka GPL (Gand Pe laat). The preparation for the ceremony is even more disturbing, there are normally 2 ways of doing it

  1. Lean on a side railing, get a firm base and prepare for "377" attack             (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))
  2. They'll pick you upholding your feet and hands and people will harass you. (That's my pun, don't take it away from me ).
The harassers  use an innovative and hygienic weapon-----Chappals. The sound they make when it contacts your pelvic cushions is extremely disturbing. The ear deafening sound is very similar to gunshots in intensity.

Your ass smooths down to a molecular level of jelly
I have had friends hit so badly that they couldn't attend classes as they couldn't sit down properly. But it can't be that bad, can it?... It can...

If you have a special one, then you are also given a GPL on their birthday. Therefore "committed" people get it twice (or thrice if they are kinky) a year. This has to be the worst, right? I'm sorry to say but there is one more category of people who have it the worst...

"The Special Ones"

This guy GETS HIT ON EVERYONE'S BIRTHDAY. The selection is completely confidential. But once selected, that guy is never spared. In my college, a boy code-named "The t h i c c TM boy" (suitably) gets hit in every birthday he attends.



*Birthday exists*
Everyone: Where is t h i c c TM  boy?
*He runs*
But it was not all bad. Birthdays used to be fun... I still remember when I was young (or when I actually looked like my age), we could wear informal clothes to school and distribute chocolates to your friends and teachers. After school, you would invite your friends for a treat where you could eat your heart out.

We felt like royalty in our schools, it was supposed to be our day and we were on top of the world (even though there can be 20 million other people sharing the same birthday). Your birthday defined you.

Gifts!!!! The best part of these treats,it is a societal norm to gift the birthday boy/girl/anything else. We used to wait for our birthdays to see what gifts my parents will buy for me. Guessing the gift from the wrapper was an impossible game to win.

Now...the tables have turned because you have to pay for the treat... :P


The 13th birthday is supposed to be special, right?
Another annoying tradition of birthdays is the illogiocal smearing of your face with cake. Many kids are starving due to ligma and you are grinding cake mix onto my face? No... cake is a holy food item, it is made from the retired angels that made Nutella in their prime days. Don't waste their talent.

Looks like the ending of an orgy

 It's unfortunate that birthdays have reduced you to a stress relieving ball for your friends with such wastage of cake.

Ratings: 5/10. Balloons are freaking awesome.

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