Elevators

Elevators.

The place where everyone's Michael Jackson comes to life or the place where you finally talk to your crush after 32 years.

"Where is my that Daler Mehndi song I dance to?"
Fount it.
Tunak Tunak Tun...

When it is empty, you go berzerk. Busting your unrhythmic movements thinking you are Remo D'souza. If someone were to record the shit you do inside and post it online, you would deactivate all your social media accounts and go to Antartica and live in isolation.

But if there are people inside, the situation is a little different...

Your experience in an elevator is always dependent on the number of people in it.

Case 1: Too many people

This is empty by Indian standards

Entering the lift, you will be glanced by everyone present inside to a point that you'll wish you walked the 8 floors to your apartment. You try to give a gentle smile but it comes off as very creepy and everyone ignores you. Digging a hole in the ground seems like a nice idea. By the looks of it, it should be impossible to fit another person, but hey... It's Incredible India... the land of miracles. Defying laws of Physics, you fit in, but your face might not be so lucky, it may be buried deep into someone's armpit. 

Your 20 second trip to the 8th floor feels like 2 hours because it is moving at snail's pace. That might not be an exaggeration because the elevator can't fucking carry this many people!

Case 2: 3-4 people

This is a tricky situation. The ride is comfortable, but the awkwardness level peaks for the people present inside. A study by pioneer scientists at a premier institute of Ram Ramaya college has published a paper on this.

Dikshit M. Quantification of Awkwardness in Elevators. ABCD Publication. 2016:69–420.

This is due to the fact that one just can't ignore the other occupants simply. You are bound to interact with them, or else the silence is deafening (irony zindabaad). Smartphones have become the knight in shining armour in this unfortunate situation by giving us an alternative to interacting. Before the advent of smartphones, people would try to do small talk, which might be stupid and annoying to take part in.

Him: Ahhh, it seems you are going to the 3rd floor?
Her: No, I was going to the 3rd and walk back to the 1st floor... (dumbass)
Him:...

Bonus case: The special someone:

Everyone dreams of this case (don't lie). But there is more chance of Michael Jackson coming back to life than this happening.

You enter the elevator and you see the *insert the type of homo sapien you desire* (being politically correct) alone. You think that you will be swiggity-swaggity cool and smooth... But the end result is just a linear combination of creepy stares and random mumbling. You curse yourself and hope that it is just a nightmare.

sigh

Rating: 9/10.

I still get to bust my dance moves like Mithun... So, no loss.