My Indian Review

This is as Indian as it gets. Who's better to decide your life partner? You or a website? Obviously... a website!!! Why go through all the hassle of meeting and knowing the person whom you want to spend  your entire life with? Woman: Oh No! Man: What happened!? Woman: Your face looked better with a filter I never knew that choosing life partners can be like choosing toppings on a pizza. A dash of this and a tad of that... woooooosh.... you have your partner for 7 lives!!! What would you like with your 6 ft 4 in man with 10pla? We recommend a Marathi mother tongue special! It is amazing to see how we might not be up to mark in terms of technology usage as compared to developed countries, but somehow in this area, we are miles above the rest. Tinder has been arranging dates since 2012 Shaadi.com has been arranging marriages (screw dates) since 1997. But in hindsight, it actually gives a chance to people who are not so fortunate to find...

I think it's high time that our education system presented a special course for social media awareness because we are seriously lacking behind in common sense . People really have a hard time differentiating between absolutely dubious and factually correct claims. *Facepalm x 1000000000*  Just think of all Ankit Patels in IITs, they must be scared out of their wits. Their entire existence is based on this fake bullshit. And poor them, they must be tormented by their friends for the  revolutionary  work. Interviewer: What's special about you, Ankit? Ankit: I am a Whatsapp messiah. Interviewer: You are hired. 1 crore LPA Normally, the older population is prone to such behaviour but let me tell you, gullibility is ageless. How do I know?  I have been a fish in that pond too (learned it the hard way). Secondly, Whatsapp has opened the window for your relatives to bombard you with " Good * insert any reason to celebrate anything in this e...

Our feelings towards this object are dependent on hand it is in. It can vary from amusement and fun to pure terror and pain. I have never such a versatile school accessory in my entire life. (The eraser comes nowhere near) Here comes dat boi It is the unsung hero of our school days. Its elasticity gave you an initiative to your friends by flinging paper balls and nose boogers (I have a questionable childhood). Due to its long, straight and hard nature, it was perfect for making straight lines to mark segments of your bullshit answer so that it gets more marks than it actually deserves. Retrospecting, I have realised that it was never used for its actual purpose: measuring distances. I normally used my metal pencil box or set squares (the distant cousin) for the job because my ruler just disappeared from plain sight (It also suffers from teleportation issues like its sister, the eraser). Therefore, we ignore the ruler just like our weekly assignments and misp...

I was an avid watcher (not by choice) of Zee TV because...Mom took the remote every day at 9 PM. I unfortunately have a very good experience this concatenation of TRP storytelling. They thrive on the most primitive behaviour of humankind...problems. We, Indians, love seeing problems of other people. Due to this, the plot lines are way above the intellect of simpletons. The premise of the shows is so narrow that they have to resort to petty manoeuvres to get the viewers attention. Remeber this, these aren't weekly shows, they are daily shows.  Oh Wow..She came back from the dead I am not generalising all Indian serials here, there have to be some good ones... I still haven't found them yet. In this universe, ending it at the right time doesn't exist because we just want more and more. Sasural Simar Ka, a serial on Colors TV, ran for a mindblowing 2063 episodes spanning 7 years. Can you guess the number of seasons?... It is 3. Yes, just 3. You can see h...

It is an expensive way of showing two people want to ghapa ghap... exclusively with each other Artist's representation of ghapa ghap Indian weddings are an extravaganza, to say the least. Even though they are celebrated differently across the country, but the main idea remains the same... " LIFE KA SAVING URAO " (SPEND ALL YOUR LIFE SAVINGS). I have only been a guest (and have no intention to be on the other side) but these things make me cringe. The amount of hard work required to make one (properly with respect to Indian standards) is just disturbing. I understand that marriage represents the "milan" (join) of 2 families but the way it is shown is just... too much. I have seen brides and grooms with dark circles at the end of the fiasco, they look like they have finished an Ironman competition. "Gold medal dede thakur!!!" I can assure you, there are special dresses and jewellery kept only for the occasion of a wedding, guests are expe...

This is the actual MUN of our school days. "You want my food, too? Talk to my assistant for intimation details. " You had to rage out the inner businessman for tasty food. If you played your cards correctly, you'd end up with a 5-course meal or else... you have to settle with bhujia. Everyone hates bhujia. These breaks showcased the diversity of cuisine in India perfectly. You'll find food ranging from Momos to Maggi, from dry apples to rotten bananas, you name it  - we had it.  All friendships were rated based on the food students bought. Some jam producing company even advertised based on this fact. There are two types of students seen in tiffin breaks. People who bring food - They bring the most exquisite food available on this green earth. These poor people have to face the wrath of "khane me kya he?" (what's there for food?) by the people from the lower category. They get ransacked daily yet they act like messiahs. We have to than...

This is what happens when something is too cheap. Can you see a train? I see a human centipede A train travel's quality depends on 3 factors: Space in the compartment Number of people Cheapness of ticket It seems while maximising 2 and 3, they completely forgot about 1...like completely. How is it physically possible to fit so many people into such small spaces? (No " that's what she said" jokes) The only other place I have seen so many living creatures in a single place is a bee-hive. It is amazing to see how people get perplexed by the sight of other passengers fit into an already Indian  filled train cabin (you know it's a quite a lot if it is Indian filled), it looks like they go into some other dimension... Who thought the gateway to some other dimension would be some local train station 40 km from Kolkata? It seriously feels like living in an armpit. We'd give the game "Plague Inc" a good run for their money by ac...

They should be renamed as "Annual Family census". Over a year, you can check your entire family hierarchy. "Hi uncle. How are you? You are 678th relative to ask me this stupid question." I felt like a celebrity during that year (and not in a good way). Everyone had only one question "How are your studies?" My life gets condensed into 1 stupid exam. According to them, a student in 10th is only allowed to: Breath Eat Study If you are found doing any non-studying activities, the news spreads like wildfire and you become a disgrace to your family immediately... Because screw logic. "Do you know he only studied 3 hrs and 57 minutes yesterday. He was playing PUBG for 3 minutes. What a spoiled child, no will marry him." But it has its own perks. When relatives visit your home, the class 10 thing works like All-out  (the relatives being the mosquitoes. Duh! ). They stay away from you on the cont...

It's a bikini for your feet.   " Look at that *insert derogatory   terms  to demean feet* "                                 Chappals are comfortable to wear whilst keeping your feet dry and cool. However, it's more than that. They grow into your feet. In hot and humid (basically Indian) conditions, these dinguses are very suitable. No other accessory bonds with your body like a chappal, it's almost like a "mother hugging" your feet.  The oldie but goldie Chappals                                                           (Sidenote:National Footwear, eh?) Chappals: They are Cheap... (Because it consumes less material to make) comfortable to wear Healthy for your feet The only pro...

Can we make this our national drink? Like...really? Well. Bidyananda Barkakoty, chairman of the North Eastern Tea Association (in 2012 ) supported this motion. *Searches how to do this* *finds out that it will take some hard work* *procrastinates* Is there a better drink than chai? (whatever variation) The cheapest version of this Amrit. Chai embodies all that you need in a life partner. It soothes you up. It relieves your tension. You trust a chai like a dog and it will never cheat on you. Ergo, Together you are in a symbiotic relationship. BONUS: Sitting on a porch with a chai is a sensual experience. Am I exaggerating? Hell no!!! Every time I drink chai, it drowns my soul in warmth and tranquillity. I am at peace. Grass looks greener. All cats and dogs live in peace. Everything seems to be alright. I wish I could keep that moment forever but everything comes to an end. Being from Assam, India, which is known for tea plantations, ...

The first cousin twice removed of kurkure. It's for those people who think Kurkure is expensive (yes, such people do exist). These tablets  have the power to turn you into miniature size Hinderberg disasters. Accordingly, the atmosphere near a hajmola abuser is quite toxic (similar to Venus) and being a past abuser, I know how bad these pills can be. My mom kept a safe distance everytime I started my hajmola sessions. Mom:  YOU DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING! HOW CAN YOU FART ? It all starts when you over-eat on a free treat, your stomach feels like a furnace and blows up. You pop the pill for some relief but soon you start releasing shit-infested bombs all over your house. It's ironic how the Wikipedia page states that it c ontrols flatulence. CONTROLS XD Sometimes when I think of hajmola abusers, the phrase "With great power comes great responsibility" comes up in my mind because they can wreak havoc with the wrong intention. With the right amount of...

It is like your grandmother's logic. Useful till school, useless from college. I have never seen a single eraser finish in my entire life. Frank Abagnale Jr looks like a petty road-show con artist compared to this piece of rubbery hell. You'll find it everywhere from your drawer to your undergarments when you don't need it, BUT WHEN YOU DO NEED IT... it disappears from the face of the earth. It has teleportation powers too. You might have checked a place 99 times, you are still bound to find it there the next time. If it falls off a table, you'll find 10000 km away. The taste (I have a lot of free time, don't ask) is quite like paneer... except for the fact that it really messes up your stomach (I should really stop commenting on food). I don't recommend it with any MDH masala. Coming to its actual use, which is eating erasing, it's pretty decent. But somehow it doesn't erase my incorrigible writing skills. The dumbest varia...

Also known as the Indian laxative . This comes a close second to Maggi. It is go-to snack for our muchies. It defies the Lays' logic of producing chips. It actually contains more food than air. Very surprising. Your hand doesn't need to dive 20 km deep into the packet to find the first chip. And it fills you right upI! I rarely buy the Rs 20 packet. One packet is enough for a meal ( although, it is advisable to not eat it as a meal). A single packet of any other brand leaves you hungry and annoyed to the fact that you have to buy more. Wait... That's a damn fine market plan.  Nevermind.     Behold, the orange monster.         Taste-wise, it is amazingly Indian. It's an overload concussion of spices layered on a munchy miniature stick. On paper it shouldn't work, but, like many Indian serials, the mass population loves it. I do too. 9/10. I shouldn't advise you to eat it, but I have also suggested Maggi as a meal... My life ...

More often than not, fevi-kwik ends up sticking my fingers together in a way that no matrimonial site ever could. Nail-polish remover is a must with this item. The relationship between the amount of glue that comes and the degree of squeezing is simply mind-blowing. I have analytically done numerous experiments on this topic. Normally, this is the general trend. For example, a toothpaste tube. But for fevi-kwik, this is the real picture. Due to this, the glue ends up spilling everywhere and causes havoc. In hindsight, it works really well. It pretty much sticks with anything. One disadvantage of this object is that it is somewhat suicidal. Once the glue ejects out of the tube, if not used, ends up blocking the mouth of the tube. It is similar to the case of a snake being poisoned after biting itself. It's hilarious to think how quickly the concept backfires. The remedy is either using a pin to poke a hole or use Nail-polish remover on it. At that point, I fee...

Maggi has a tag line similar to people suffering from pre-mature ejaculations. Maggi to India is similar to what mosquitos to people. It's everywhere. No one is spared. (leaving the killings caused by mosquitos,though) It's a college student's saviour. It's the answer to our prayers. No food ever had such an impact like Maggi. Breakfast? Maggi ✓ Lunch? Maggi ✓ Dinner? Maggi ✓ Snacks? Maggi✓ 12 AM munchies? Maggi✓ Food? Maggi✓ Maggi? Maggi✓ It's pretty close to Amrit. Easy to make. Hard to finish. Maggi is the best. The best thing is that, even though it looks like noodles on jaundice, it tastes different according to how you make it. Change the percentage of ingredients-different taste. 12/10 for the noodle which can pretty much kill you MSG- Maggi is Saviour God

Ever since my family bought this contraption, flying objects have become a normal thing. Bad weather has been responsible for most of the abuse faced by the remote. Surprisingly, constant slaps and aerial combats across the room havn't destroyed the remote yet...YET It has the habit of malfunctioning at wrong times. There have been incidents where it refuses to change channels during intimate scenes in movies. This only happens when I am watching with my family though. If it wasn't an inanimate object, it would have filed for domestic violence a long time ago. Surprisingly it still works. The centre button is unresponsive, which pretty much explains why  we bestow anger upon it. After so many years and countless cello tapes, the back cover still falls off. But, mind you, no cello tape can mend the psychological damage it has gone through.  For that courage only I will rate it: 9/10 I cut one mark so that it does not get bhow from me. ...

What's the purpose of this blog? Let's put it this way. I will review things. Not iPhones, Not Lambos, Not multi-million dollar Houses.  These things which don't matter in your daily life. I review things that matter in your life.  A heater, a chocolate or TV remote etc. Stuff that matters. Stuff that needs to be reviewed for your own good. Wouldn't you like to know how many slaps a remote can survive before it breaks? Wouldn't you like to know which bread to buy?  I am for the common man.  . . . . Plus I am damn bored.